1969 Love Affair, Compassion and Life

      I have spent more time writing in a journal lately than on this blog. Sometimes I get lost in thought and I neglect to share with you the great things I see and learn.

      I have always written for myself...ok really only since I was about five. By the time I was eight years old...I knew that the journal could save my life. I could write down what I thought and not express it verbally, which was usually a good thing. It is not good when you are constantly in trouble, punished and grounded for the way your mind works....or possibly doesn't.

     You see, I have always thought outside the box. This could be because I never saw the box...figuratively or literally. My wayward thinking was not always received warmly or even welcomed...but no...that never stopped me.

    I had a handful of very close friends in those days. They included Cathy, pens, paper, coffee, music and of course God. I met Cathy when we were in the fourth grade.Cathy always appreciated my sense of humor, especially if the teachers did not. She also encouraged me to write. God gave me the appreciation of words including His. He fed me and my inclination to write.

    As I matured my writing changed. I still love to write poetry and am working on a book or two. I like to put a twist on things. Someday I will explain that. I have written about anything and every thing. I have written about McDonalds and getting stuck in the mud. I have written about spiritual nourishment, domestic violence, the plight of the elderly, being different, what life would be like as a pen, man's inhumanity to man and other injustices. I have written about friendship, love, lovers, relationships, death and a whole host of other things that you would put me in a box for. Ok maybe, you wouldn't put me in a box...but you would ground me, lol.

     Until I was about five things were pretty black and white and then they started going gray. ( and not just figuratively)  I love all of the vibrant colors that rest on the breathtaking  palette that God created...but I think even He understands my great love for the various shades of gray. Just for the record, it has nothing to do with the natural wisdom highlights that I now don.

    In the fall of 1969  I met a boy named Dickey. He was only five or six years old at the time. He had big thick braces on his legs and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.. Sadly, I did not get to see that smile often. He had a rough way to go because at that tender age so many had not yet learned compassion or empathy. Some of his classmates would tangle his legs in his chair and he would fall when he tried to get up. Do you know what I learned?  I learned that you could punch the class bully in the mouth and not get suspended. It wasn't just because I was a girl either! (yes, I had a temper but that is a blog post for another time.)

    There was another incident when I was at Taft that stands out in my mind. Terry Gifford was my hero for a week when he stood up to another student who actually bullied the English teacher. She was an older lady even by today's standards. Bullying was a bad thing when I was a kid. There were some who were taunted and teased beyond comprehension but nothing that compares to the stories I hear today.
 
    How can you go through life and not learn compassion and empathy? I don't understand this. I know sometimes it is what you have been taught, but for crying out loud...don't we learn so much just by living.

   Living is what taught me to appreciate the subdued shades of gray...and just so you know, I would not trade the way I see the world... even for 20/20 vision.

    Until next time...

 




    

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Our Christmas Wishes

In my last post, I asked you to share your Christmas wishes. I was a little disappointed with the response but I also know people are busy.

I want to share the ones I did get with you:

Wendy Hoy -  "My christmas wish is too see my grands grow again i love watching them merry christmas cheryl and everyone may all your dreams come true!"

Lois Miller  - "My Christmas wish is that people become more aware of the world around them, thus seeing a friend or stranger in need!"

Joey Sink-Oiler - "As for my Christmas wish, it is that everyone would get to be with the people they love and care about. That has and will always mean more to me than anything else! :) Time with one another is the best gift of all."
Iris Casey -  "EVERYONE ASKS ME WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT NOT ONE PERSON CAN GIVE ME WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE!!! SO HERE IT IS (WORLD PEACE, AN LOVE ONE ANOTHER)...... LOVE AN ENJOY EACH OTHER IN THIS NEW YEAR... GOD BLESS ALL .."
I have many wishes:

I wish the hatred and intolerance of others would stop. I wish that people could disagree respectfully. There is no need for name calling or personal attacks. I want man's inhumanity to man to stop!

I want everyone to start a jar or box of blessings, good things and precious memories on January 1st, 2013 and read them all (or most) out loud to their family and friends on January 1, 2014. We will all be amazed at how truly blessed we are.

I want everyone to find peace, happiness and love. Sounds pretty lofty doesn't it? Sometimes we have to look within. If it is not there,  then look up.

I want everyone to pay it forward, it can be as simple as buying someone a cup of coffee when they are having a bad day, or share a warm open-hearted smile with a stranger. There are many, many things that you can do. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it became a habit?

I pray for world peace and the end of hunger, and my list can go on and on for hours but I will end this instead by wishing you all of the love and happiness your hearts can hold.

Wishes and Wonder

Since my last post I have been very busy getting ready for Christmas and other things. I know other people are busy this time of year too.

I had a great birthday and celebrated with family and friends on Sunday. On Monday, I enjoyed  another fun-filled evening with my best crew-the girls. We enjoyed a nice dinner at Rosa & Rocco's. The food was excellent and the company even better! I was also honored with many birthday wishes on Facebook!

Funny how we all showed up for dinner wearing black! Now...hold on...that does not mean I turned 50! I will admit, it is getting close. Sky diving at 50! Who is in?


My father is finally home from the hospital. He got through bypass surgery only to experience a heart attack a few days later. He is mending and I am grateful that he is on the way to recovery as well as for those of you who kept him in your thoughts and prayers.

I am still taking orientation and mobility training. I do not know where John's patience comes from. We went walking last Wednesday evening. It was an interesting experience. When we came to a busy street that we needed to cross (and we had the right of way), he said, don't worry they will stop because you have a white cane. When that did not happen, he said, they stop in Columbus. I said, people in Columbus carry guns...here they just run you over. I think he thought I was serious at first.

He thought we should report the offenders. I asked how and he said we could turn in their license numbers. I had to laugh because you can't do that if you can't see the number. He laughed too and reminded me that he could see the numbers.

I strolled along with my marshmallow tipped cane down several streets. I ran into numerous trash bags and cans because it was the night before the trash run. This should not happen. Garbage should be in the tree lawn close to the curb...not on the sidewalk.
Many of the sidewalks in Marion are dangerous. I hugged a tree a couple of times. Kissing an Oak tree was not on my wish list and there was no mistletoe!

Did you know that those orangish tile looking things with bumps on them are for the blind? You see them around the courthouse and many places where there is new construction or pavement replacement. I thought they were for wheelchairs. I thought it was to keep them from rolling into the street at intersections. Who knew? My feet can now do the braille happy dance. Joey will be so proud!

My world is changing. I have received so many wonderful visual aids. I can read a menu again.... I can read! I can battle the sunlight.

In October I went for my functional and clinical evaluations in Columbus. I had the opportunity to see some of the new technology available to those that are visually impaired or blind. I was absolutely wonderstruck. I had the chance to use some of the equipment while I was there. I worked with Diane who is wonderful. After my evaluation she recommended a much larger computer monitor, ZoomText software, low vision keyboards, a CCTV, computer glasses, special sunglasses, a portable video magnifier, a couple of stand magnifiers, special flashlights, a telescope, orientation and mobility training and more.

I was blessed, Vision Rehabilitation Services approved everything that was recommended and I am now a member of the enhanced vision tech world.

I have the honor and privilege of seeing things I have not seen in many years. It is overwhelming!
I cannot express my gratitude enough.

My Christmas wishes are simple. I could list them here but I would like to hear what your Christmas wishes are to share in my next blog post. Please share some of your wishes with us.

May you all feel loved and blessed.

Candy Canes, White Canes, Friends & More!

I had a dream awhile back that I did not quite understand. Sometimes dreams work that way. I dreamt I was walking down the street using a Candy Cane. I am not particulary fond of Candy Canes or mint for that matter but I also knew that this wasn't your typical sweet dream....why? Because I remembered it!
Dreaming about walking with a candy cane is silly but when it rained the red stripes washed off in a puddle around my feet and then I understood.
A couple of days later I received a call from John. John is my orientation and mobility instructor. His job is to teach me how to stay mobile with my vision loss and how to make the most of my useful vision. His gift to me was a white cane with a rolling marshmallow tip.
The truth is that I looked at that cane as an Albatross around my neck. Afterall, I have gotten by without it forever.
John is a patient, encouraging man. He walked with me in the dark with a white cane to work and back. Low lighting, cracks in the sidewalk, bad sidewalks, curbs and traffic have not always been my friend. John did keep me from slamming into a street sign that was face level.
My cane has a rolling tip so it glides easily along until I hit something.
Forcing myself to practice with it before my next class will be hard but I will get around to it.
Speaking about hard things...this is a very hard time of year for many people. Please pull out some extra compassion, kindness and patience for others.
I know people who are struggling with loss, grief, loneliness, physical and emotional problems. Stress is not anyone's friend.
I have a friend struggling everyday with  Cancer, some are fighting with MS, another is battling her issues with the loss of independence due to MD.
My father just had bypass surgery. It was fairly successful and he is on the road to recovery.
I am very fortunate and have gotten through some very stressful times lately with the love, help and support of my friends and God.
Until Next time

Oh what to write?

     I took a long break from the blog recently. I have had alot to write about but wanted to really analyze some things before I put it all down on paper so to speak.
    I have learned so much about people, but more importantly how they interact with each other. I witnessed some great moments... those filled with love, respect, admiration and awe. 
   Unfortunately I also saw some things that are better left unsaid.
    Onto a more interesting note. I did speak with several men of various ages to find out what they are looking for in a relationship as well as what they value most.
    Most over 35 said they were looking for someone to spend time with and to talk to. Several said that they are seeking someone who is genuinely interested in their thoughts and interests.
     Although some said they just wanted to play, most admitted that deep down they are looking for more. A handful even admitted that there is someone that they are interested in but have been too timid, shy or afraid to approach.
    Like everyone, they are afraid of rejection. The FEAR FACTOR strikes again. Yep, you should stop seeking happiness because you are a chicken.
    NEWS FLASH-Everyone will get hurt at some point in their lives. Get over it and start living your life. You miss out on so much when you don't take a chance.  We will talk about that at another time.
   Lots of changes going on in my life. My son is a senior, my position at work has changed as well as my vision, but most importantly my point of view.
   I also made a trip to Visual Rehabilitation Services in Columbus. I was impressed with thr software and the equipment that is out there. Technology is certainly allowing me the opportunity to see things differently...and see things literally. I was amazed at some of the things that I had the chance to experiment with.
    I am one of the lucky ones. I got into VRS rather quickly. The wait is sometimes 18 months. Now I only have to wait for the plan for my rehab to be approved but it looks good.
    Did I tell you all how fortunate I am? I have great friends! They have helped me immensely. Barbie took me to Columbus for the appointment. Many, many others look out for me. Some read for me. Others try to keep me from breaking my neck. Some are great for humor and bouncing ideas off of. What I love most is that they all have the ability to accept me for who I am.

The Relationship Trip

      I took a few days off from the blog just to reflect on what others were talking about. I learned that even in your 40's and headed to your 50's the number one topic is still relationships. Almost every conversation I have had this week pertained to relationships.
Several of my friends are single. Many have been married and divorced. Some have divorced within the last year. After having been in a relationship for numerous years and finding yourself single is disorienting and it can be disheartening as well.
Sometimes you have to find out who you are, what you want and where you want to go in the next phase of your life. Sounds simple doesn't it?
Although it is sometimes scary to start over...it can be exciting too. You need to give yourself time to learn who you are and what your values are. This is a time of exploration. Experimentation comes later.
Some people struggle with being alone, others with wanting to be alone. Then there is always the fear: will I get hurt again? The answer is probably yes. Is this a bad thing? Not always. Remember if you can be hurt...you are still alive...sounds like a positive to me.
I am not very good at relationships myself. Never have been and I do not plan on becoming an expert now. What I do know is that people need each other. They need others to fill different emotional, spiritual or physical needs.
What I have learned is that you can't look for someone to fix things. The Maytag repairman cannot miraculously repair emptiness or loneliness and I have never seen the spin cycle bring anyone joy. I think you have to be content with yourself first and enjoy being alone. You need to be confident in who you are and have reasonable expectations from others...afterall you want their expectations from you to be reasonable. We will talk about having your cake and eating it too at another time.
You can't look for someone to build a life around, you have to find someone that enriches the life you already have. Personally, I look for a sense of humor. Does the person make me laugh? How do I really feel when I spend time with this person?
There also seems to be some misconception about relationships that don't work out. Why do we always consider them to be failures? I would say that if you learned something, it isn't all bad. Did you enjoy the relationship? You can enjoy a relationship that only lasts a short time. The sorrow is when it ends and you still want more. I believe people are brought into our lives for a reason. Many times we do not understand that reason until years later.
Most of the time, if you look back on a relationship that didn't last you can find some good things there. I know there are sad and or bad things too, but we need to look at the whole picture to appreciate each relationship for what it is. Not all things are beautiful with a zoom lens.
There are times when you will enter a relationship and you find yourself saying, "what was I thinking." It happens. Try to suck something good out of it, whether it is a lesson or one good memory.
Occasionally you will have to date for quite some time before you find a relationship. If you get hurt,,,and you probably will...don't let it jade you. The only person hurt by holding back...is you!

     Today was interesting. I learned quite a bit about some of the new technology available for those with a visual impairment. I had actually dreaded the appointment, but found it to be very worthwhile. I had the opportunity to explore some new software that will make my life a bit easier.
     I have to admit that although I can be very stubborn, I will adapt.