Thursday, August 16, 2012

Knowing your limits

    Well... let's is a quarter past ten and this should be unwind time but I think sleep will elude me. It is not the first time. I am quite the pro when it comes to insomnia. I think part of it is due to the 2 Big M's in my life. Midlife and Menopause.
    I sit here with comfort food as I type. Anyone that knows me will know that maynonnaise is my good friend. I love it! I make this dip with tuna, mayo, onions and other seasonings, sometimes I add a tad of cream cheese, I like to dip sour cream and onion chips in it.
    It was an interesting day. Another great learning experience to add to the book of knowledge. I don't think it will be a best seller by any means but I do think today earned a word or two.  I am not sure I can repeat those words now.
    You ever have one of those days that starts out ok for the first few hours but as the day goes on you are hit with brick after brick of frustration? Yep...that was me today.
    I have tried to rationalize it but haven't been able to. If you see well you may have a hard time grasping this but sooner or later I will find a simile or metaphor to help you out.
    I spent my day exploring a new world on a 7 inch screen with words that appeared to me just slightly smaller than a piss ant. I struggled with contacts, glasses and a hubblescope to no avail. I tried to follow along. The training was good. I understood that. I knew I would like the software coming down the pike when I got used to using it. I could see the value in it.
    I couldn't read the screen or white board used today either. I knew they were friends of the piss ants in my world and I was frustrated and maybe a little angry.
    I had some help muddling through training, but as always I protect the innocent. As time went on, I realized that if some of those I spent time with today did not know I had a vision problem before...they certainly do now. I did not want to accept this at all.
    You know that uneasy feeling you the walls closing in or claustrophobia? I had that feeling today in a wide open room. I felt like I was being studied...and really I am not that interesting. I felt like I was under the magnifier or more appropriately a microscope.
    By end of day as I was getting ready to escape I knocked over a chair. Not good. It is better to fall out of a chair than have to admit that you did not see a chair, especially when you say excuse me because you thought it was a person.
    My friend that tried to help me, sensed a frustrated vibe....and she said maybe a little anger. She said that she could tell that I was angry about the things I could not do myself.
   Yes, it has finally happened...there are things that I cannot do. Never thought I would admit that. I do know I can adapt to many things and am quite capable of doing many things myself but there are times when I have to learn my limits. I am getting closer to that realization and it will be ok.
    As the day finally came to an end I felt like one of the piss ants waiting for the foot to come down, but it didn't. Tomorrow will have new challenges.

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