Wishes and Wonder

Since my last post I have been very busy getting ready for Christmas and other things. I know other people are busy this time of year too.

I had a great birthday and celebrated with family and friends on Sunday. On Monday, I enjoyed  another fun-filled evening with my best crew-the girls. We enjoyed a nice dinner at Rosa & Rocco's. The food was excellent and the company even better! I was also honored with many birthday wishes on Facebook!

Funny how we all showed up for dinner wearing black! Now...hold on...that does not mean I turned 50! I will admit, it is getting close. Sky diving at 50! Who is in?


My father is finally home from the hospital. He got through bypass surgery only to experience a heart attack a few days later. He is mending and I am grateful that he is on the way to recovery as well as for those of you who kept him in your thoughts and prayers.

I am still taking orientation and mobility training. I do not know where John's patience comes from. We went walking last Wednesday evening. It was an interesting experience. When we came to a busy street that we needed to cross (and we had the right of way), he said, don't worry they will stop because you have a white cane. When that did not happen, he said, they stop in Columbus. I said, people in Columbus carry guns...here they just run you over. I think he thought I was serious at first.

He thought we should report the offenders. I asked how and he said we could turn in their license numbers. I had to laugh because you can't do that if you can't see the number. He laughed too and reminded me that he could see the numbers.

I strolled along with my marshmallow tipped cane down several streets. I ran into numerous trash bags and cans because it was the night before the trash run. This should not happen. Garbage should be in the tree lawn close to the curb...not on the sidewalk.
Many of the sidewalks in Marion are dangerous. I hugged a tree a couple of times. Kissing an Oak tree was not on my wish list and there was no mistletoe!

Did you know that those orangish tile looking things with bumps on them are for the blind? You see them around the courthouse and many places where there is new construction or pavement replacement. I thought they were for wheelchairs. I thought it was to keep them from rolling into the street at intersections. Who knew? My feet can now do the braille happy dance. Joey will be so proud!

My world is changing. I have received so many wonderful visual aids. I can read a menu again.... I can read! I can battle the sunlight.

In October I went for my functional and clinical evaluations in Columbus. I had the opportunity to see some of the new technology available to those that are visually impaired or blind. I was absolutely wonderstruck. I had the chance to use some of the equipment while I was there. I worked with Diane who is wonderful. After my evaluation she recommended a much larger computer monitor, ZoomText software, low vision keyboards, a CCTV, computer glasses, special sunglasses, a portable video magnifier, a couple of stand magnifiers, special flashlights, a telescope, orientation and mobility training and more.

I was blessed, Vision Rehabilitation Services approved everything that was recommended and I am now a member of the enhanced vision tech world.

I have the honor and privilege of seeing things I have not seen in many years. It is overwhelming!
I cannot express my gratitude enough.

My Christmas wishes are simple. I could list them here but I would like to hear what your Christmas wishes are to share in my next blog post. Please share some of your wishes with us.

May you all feel loved and blessed.

Candy Canes, White Canes, Friends & More!

I had a dream awhile back that I did not quite understand. Sometimes dreams work that way. I dreamt I was walking down the street using a Candy Cane. I am not particulary fond of Candy Canes or mint for that matter but I also knew that this wasn't your typical sweet dream....why? Because I remembered it!
Dreaming about walking with a candy cane is silly but when it rained the red stripes washed off in a puddle around my feet and then I understood.
A couple of days later I received a call from John. John is my orientation and mobility instructor. His job is to teach me how to stay mobile with my vision loss and how to make the most of my useful vision. His gift to me was a white cane with a rolling marshmallow tip.
The truth is that I looked at that cane as an Albatross around my neck. Afterall, I have gotten by without it forever.
John is a patient, encouraging man. He walked with me in the dark with a white cane to work and back. Low lighting, cracks in the sidewalk, bad sidewalks, curbs and traffic have not always been my friend. John did keep me from slamming into a street sign that was face level.
My cane has a rolling tip so it glides easily along until I hit something.
Forcing myself to practice with it before my next class will be hard but I will get around to it.
Speaking about hard things...this is a very hard time of year for many people. Please pull out some extra compassion, kindness and patience for others.
I know people who are struggling with loss, grief, loneliness, physical and emotional problems. Stress is not anyone's friend.
I have a friend struggling everyday with  Cancer, some are fighting with MS, another is battling her issues with the loss of independence due to MD.
My father just had bypass surgery. It was fairly successful and he is on the road to recovery.
I am very fortunate and have gotten through some very stressful times lately with the love, help and support of my friends and God.
Until Next time

Oh what to write?

     I took a long break from the blog recently. I have had alot to write about but wanted to really analyze some things before I put it all down on paper so to speak.
    I have learned so much about people, but more importantly how they interact with each other. I witnessed some great moments... those filled with love, respect, admiration and awe. 
   Unfortunately I also saw some things that are better left unsaid.
    Onto a more interesting note. I did speak with several men of various ages to find out what they are looking for in a relationship as well as what they value most.
    Most over 35 said they were looking for someone to spend time with and to talk to. Several said that they are seeking someone who is genuinely interested in their thoughts and interests.
     Although some said they just wanted to play, most admitted that deep down they are looking for more. A handful even admitted that there is someone that they are interested in but have been too timid, shy or afraid to approach.
    Like everyone, they are afraid of rejection. The FEAR FACTOR strikes again. Yep, you should stop seeking happiness because you are a chicken.
    NEWS FLASH-Everyone will get hurt at some point in their lives. Get over it and start living your life. You miss out on so much when you don't take a chance.  We will talk about that at another time.
   Lots of changes going on in my life. My son is a senior, my position at work has changed as well as my vision, but most importantly my point of view.
   I also made a trip to Visual Rehabilitation Services in Columbus. I was impressed with thr software and the equipment that is out there. Technology is certainly allowing me the opportunity to see things differently...and see things literally. I was amazed at some of the things that I had the chance to experiment with.
    I am one of the lucky ones. I got into VRS rather quickly. The wait is sometimes 18 months. Now I only have to wait for the plan for my rehab to be approved but it looks good.
    Did I tell you all how fortunate I am? I have great friends! They have helped me immensely. Barbie took me to Columbus for the appointment. Many, many others look out for me. Some read for me. Others try to keep me from breaking my neck. Some are great for humor and bouncing ideas off of. What I love most is that they all have the ability to accept me for who I am.

The Relationship Trip

      I took a few days off from the blog just to reflect on what others were talking about. I learned that even in your 40's and headed to your 50's the number one topic is still relationships. Almost every conversation I have had this week pertained to relationships.
Several of my friends are single. Many have been married and divorced. Some have divorced within the last year. After having been in a relationship for numerous years and finding yourself single is disorienting and it can be disheartening as well.
Sometimes you have to find out who you are, what you want and where you want to go in the next phase of your life. Sounds simple doesn't it?
Although it is sometimes scary to start over...it can be exciting too. You need to give yourself time to learn who you are and what your values are. This is a time of exploration. Experimentation comes later.
Some people struggle with being alone, others with wanting to be alone. Then there is always the fear: will I get hurt again? The answer is probably yes. Is this a bad thing? Not always. Remember if you can be hurt...you are still alive...sounds like a positive to me.
I am not very good at relationships myself. Never have been and I do not plan on becoming an expert now. What I do know is that people need each other. They need others to fill different emotional, spiritual or physical needs.
What I have learned is that you can't look for someone to fix things. The Maytag repairman cannot miraculously repair emptiness or loneliness and I have never seen the spin cycle bring anyone joy. I think you have to be content with yourself first and enjoy being alone. You need to be confident in who you are and have reasonable expectations from others...afterall you want their expectations from you to be reasonable. We will talk about having your cake and eating it too at another time.
You can't look for someone to build a life around, you have to find someone that enriches the life you already have. Personally, I look for a sense of humor. Does the person make me laugh? How do I really feel when I spend time with this person?
There also seems to be some misconception about relationships that don't work out. Why do we always consider them to be failures? I would say that if you learned something, it isn't all bad. Did you enjoy the relationship? You can enjoy a relationship that only lasts a short time. The sorrow is when it ends and you still want more. I believe people are brought into our lives for a reason. Many times we do not understand that reason until years later.
Most of the time, if you look back on a relationship that didn't last you can find some good things there. I know there are sad and or bad things too, but we need to look at the whole picture to appreciate each relationship for what it is. Not all things are beautiful with a zoom lens.
There are times when you will enter a relationship and you find yourself saying, "what was I thinking." It happens. Try to suck something good out of it, whether it is a lesson or one good memory.
Occasionally you will have to date for quite some time before you find a relationship. If you get hurt,,,and you probably will...don't let it jade you. The only person hurt by holding back...is you!

     Today was interesting. I learned quite a bit about some of the new technology available for those with a visual impairment. I had actually dreaded the appointment, but found it to be very worthwhile. I had the opportunity to explore some new software that will make my life a bit easier.
     I have to admit that although I can be very stubborn, I will adapt.

Knowing your limits

    Well... let's see...it is a quarter past ten and this should be unwind time but I think sleep will elude me. It is not the first time. I am quite the pro when it comes to insomnia. I think part of it is due to the 2 Big M's in my life. Midlife and Menopause.
    I sit here with comfort food as I type. Anyone that knows me will know that maynonnaise is my good friend. I love it! I make this dip with tuna, mayo, onions and other seasonings, sometimes I add a tad of cream cheese, I like to dip sour cream and onion chips in it.
    It was an interesting day. Another great learning experience to add to the book of knowledge. I don't think it will be a best seller by any means but I do think today earned a word or two.  I am not sure I can repeat those words now.
    You ever have one of those days that starts out ok for the first few hours but as the day goes on you are hit with brick after brick of frustration? Yep...that was me today.
    I have tried to rationalize it but haven't been able to. If you see well you may have a hard time grasping this but sooner or later I will find a simile or metaphor to help you out.
    I spent my day exploring a new world on a 7 inch screen with words that appeared to me just slightly smaller than a piss ant. I struggled with contacts, glasses and a hubblescope to no avail. I tried to follow along. The training was good. I understood that. I knew I would like the software coming down the pike when I got used to using it. I could see the value in it.
    I couldn't read the screen or white board used today either. I knew they were friends of the piss ants in my world and I was frustrated and maybe a little angry.
    I had some help muddling through training, but as always I protect the innocent. As time went on, I realized that if some of those I spent time with today did not know I had a vision problem before...they certainly do now. I did not want to accept this at all.
    You know that uneasy feeling you get...like the walls closing in or claustrophobia? I had that feeling today in a wide open room. I felt like I was being studied...and really I am not that interesting. I felt like I was under the magnifier or more appropriately a microscope.
    By end of day as I was getting ready to escape I knocked over a chair. Not good. It is better to fall out of a chair than have to admit that you did not see a chair, especially when you say excuse me because you thought it was a person.
    My friend that tried to help me, sensed a frustrated vibe....and she said maybe a little anger. She said that she could tell that I was angry about the things I could not do myself.
   Yes, it has finally happened...there are things that I cannot do. Never thought I would admit that. I do know I can adapt to many things and am quite capable of doing many things myself but there are times when I have to learn my limits. I am getting closer to that realization and it will be ok.
    As the day finally came to an end I felt like one of the piss ants waiting for the foot to come down, but it didn't. Tomorrow will have new challenges.

     I took a few days off from the Blog. I had a lot to think about and sometimes I like to mull things over before making any rash decisions.
     I will take up where I left off since I had so many inquiries about my stalkers, As you already know, my first stalker wore a very ugly orange hat, my second true stalker had a Hitler mustashe and was an auxiliary cop that I met in my human relations class at Northern Essex in Haverhill, MA.
    Doug seemed like a nice enough guy at first. Friendly, but not overly friendly. I never thought of him as much more than a classmate. He had made a few off-the-wall comments but he was very military and had served for several years, I believe he was still in the reserves. I knew he was approx. 9 years older than I am and that he ran 8 miles a day in a flack jacket.
   I believe he had an obsession with wearing a uniform, power and Hitler and later I learned that he was fixated with the name Cheryl.
    At first I ignored the letters and notes that he wrote, thinking he just had a hard time accepting that I did not want to go out with him. I really believed he was harmless. He was polite, sincere and hardworking...but he was also off-the-wall.
     I finally took notice when my Human Relations Instructor asked me to see him after class. We were required to keep a journal that we had to turn in...I personally felt like this was an invasions of privacy. We were graded on content...what we thought...did....felt and if  the information was personal enough. I thought he was going to lecture me on my content, afterall, unless I chose to share it what business was it of anyone else what I thought or did?
     He took me into his office and told me he was worried because another student's journal was pretty much dedicated to me...some things were nice and some he said were crazy. For ethical reasons he could not tell me what was in the journal but advised me to report it to the police and that he would share some of the journal with them.
     Of course at this point, I did not know that he was a cop and a security guard. This gave him access to information like where I lived and worked. He scared me a few times when I left work and as crazy as it sounds I really wasn't afraid of him.
    He began sending me letters telling me things like the best time he ever had was following me to a movie theatre and sitting two rows behind me...this started to creep me out. My friends, Tracy and JoAnn were already creeped out before the following began.
    When I confronted him about his behavior he was very upset. I told him to please leave me alone. The letters continued. He followed me to the store, to work, on dates and who knows what else. He called and asked me to meet him for coffee, when I refused...he threatened my family. He even began calling them.
    Then it got quiet and I thought he had given up. One evening Tracy and I were at the Feast of the Three Kings which is a street festival and out of nowhere I could hear someone running in hard sole shoes. I don't know who jumped more...me or Tracy. He just stopped and smiled and said hello.
A few days later he stopped by my house to tell me that he met someone....I was SO happy, her name was Cheryl to and apparently there had been a couple before me too. I asked him if it was serious and he said that he was serious. He asked me if I was happy for him. I told him I was so happy that I would buy the ring!